Internal Landscape

I want a great perhaps

but instead I feel in this time lapse

In my internal landscape I lost the maps

Everything is perfect before existence,

No flaws without execution

I imagine songs never sung

Stories never spun

A spark never lit

I’ll create the most beautiful dream in the world and then never fulfil it

I see it sometimes

See it in things that matter

See it in paint splatter

See it in music, it moves

I can’t see it in this air,

Can’t see it in the eyes of leaders who can not lead and people who do not care

You think I’m slow, there’s a whole universe in here you know,

Planets and stars and places nothing like earth

Black holes that sap self-worth

Mountains that are mood, forests that are feeling

The sights you would see, would have you reeling

Out there in space the words they spin, my words

But when I speak, if I speak

If I muster that courage, it’s a mere leak

No cascading waterfall, more like a drip through a stonewall

I want to construct palaces to the miracle that is languages

Instead there are only shadows of monuments built inside.

And they say it’s easy, well they lied.

Each word a brick carefully laid,

Plaster carefully made

Conversation is a bridge I can’t cross,

Small talk a world where I get lost.

Words must first struggle through fog

Fearless travelers wading through bog

Intrepid adventurers struggling through the elements

No welcome return but a reception of nonsense.

Inching closer and closer till they reach me

Even then like a blinkered carthorse I can’t see properly

Hear the words, hear the sounds

But it’s a mere collection of consonants and vowels.

I want to scream and shout, I want someone to know about

Know about what? Know about what?

That I listen but sometimes it doesn’t make sense

This existence, this present tense.

I just don’t know

And yet I don’t give much credit to the known,

It is a path walked when it could have been flown

More for the could be, the should be.

I don’t care about the real I care about the beautiful

What can be touched can be broken,

What can be thought can’t always be spoken.