I have met some odd people

Yesterday I got in the lift and there was a lift attendant

But I live in a block of flats so I did not know what this meant

The lift attendant said ‘I am your memory’

I said ‘Whatever floor three please’

The lift attendant pressed basement

I said ‘I want to go home’ but off we went

 The lift attendant said ‘We are going deep into your mind to confront your childhood’

I said ‘I’m making a complaint bud’

I said ‘bud’ sarcastically as I was growing angry quite drastically

The lift attendant said ‘I hate this job, the pay is shit and my union; the union of consciousness is ineffective in defence of my rights’

He said ‘I really don’t want to work anymore nights’

I said ‘Let me go home, I’m tired’

But he ignored me and so it transpired

That my flat mate found me the next morning crying in the basement

And she said ‘What happened to you?’

And I said ‘I’m now a murderer and that’s true’

She said ‘Dear god who’d ya kill?’

‘My memory’ I replied

She said ‘Stop drinking so much’.

Yesterday I went to the supermarket to stock up on the weeks supply of noodles

I was considering stealing as I have no scruples

A shop assistant burst out of nowhere and said ‘Can I help you?’

 I said ‘No leave me alone’

She laughed and said ‘I am your self -monitor and I have just what you need’

Just as I was trying my best to recede

She handed me a bag of carrots whilst saying ‘Have some passing pleasantries’.

Considering I was a murderer I did not want any more enemies

So I ignored her and started gathering noodles

 She said ‘No you can’t have any more blunt honesty’

 I said ‘Fuck off, I don’t like you’.

The other day I was sitting by a stream when a man rowed by on a boat

 He said ‘Would you like to take a trip with me?’

As he was attractive I could not help but agree

So I drifted down the stream listening to his hilarious stories

Of his interesting past and all his former glories

I said ‘I’m not sure what’s happening but I think I’m falling in love with you’

 I thought about it for a moment whilst he was silent, I had déjà vu

So I said ‘Well who are you anyway?’

 He said ‘I am your ego’

I said ‘Shit’.